This Room Seats Fifty

You know I'm no lawyer, right?

But it seems to me that those who abet war criminals become complicit in those war crimes.

Republicans on the Senate Judiciary committee are delaying for up to a week a vote on Eric Holder's nomination to be Attorney General, with some saying they want more time to consider his record on torture.

John Cornyn, Republican of Texas, told Politico:

Part of my concern relates to his statements at the hearing with regard to torture and what his intentions are toward our intelligence personnel who were operating in good faith based on their understanding of what the law was.

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/

I am sometimes accused of being alarmist. If anything, my response to most issues is muted. You will recall that a year or two ago --in what appeared to my eye to be a reference to me-- one of the anonymous editors of the Arizona Republic --and by the way, in case you haven't noticed yet, pseudo-anonymous editorial pronouncements are as declasse as anonymous postings by this world's brilliant commentariat, such as Trixie99 weighing in on matters of great import while confusing "your" and "you're"; put your name on it or don't say it-- someone at the Arizona Republic accused what appeared to be me of "taking...it...a...bit...far."

Well now your economy has collapsed and NORTHCOM will be used to prop up this dead government when the food riots start, and youth brigades will roam the streets and snitch on people, and the jack-booted thugs will kick in your door and steal your children. You have lost your honor, your wealth, your dignity, and your freedom. Your nation has lost everything. Every single last trial that you could conceive of is about to befall your degenerate society. It will all be just. And I will smile that it has occurred. It pleases me that justice be done.

I comment on probably about one percent of all the bad news I see in a day. (It's still a comedy show, after all, This Room Seats Fifty, anyway.) And I manage to go about my business with a smile on my face and warmly greet the customers at the gas station. What will come will come. I can change only what I can change. All the rest is beyond my control and does not weigh on my mind. So I am not an alarmist by any means.

So because I do not have time to share with you the totality of my understanding of current events, I will simply sum it all up for you: The world as you have known it is now over. If I and others are unsuccessful in our attempts to change the course of events, you will never again know anything but soul-crushing misery.

And it will all be just. I have my political union, whose members are untouched by the statutes of any other jurisdiction. I will know freedom; you will not. I possess the moral authority that is necessary to defend my way of life; you do not. I will not permit a single other person into USov because they would only defile it. I will not permit a single other person into USov until this degenerate society's debts to some universal sense of propriety are paid. ...because I will not deny justice.

It will warm my heart to hear sobbing come from each and every last American household. ...because I will know that they are becoming ever closer to understanding their crimes. And I will not lend assistance until those crimes are understood. "I now understand my degeneracy. Please help me." At that point I will help.

It is morally proper that Americans be enslaved and debased. I will not stand in the way of this just state of affairs. I will not deny justice to that universal sense of propriety. I am not that significant in the larger scheme of things. Justice must be done. All debts must be paid.

But back to my point about Republicans: They are aiding the escape of war criminals. This places them in legal jeopardy. I would imagine that the (most definitely) forthcoming war crimes tribunals will be very much interested in their actions.

And it makes no difference that a man have in hand a piece of paper that says that he may act like an animal. Those CIA torturers may not claim the Nuremberg Defense. Any society that would pretend to a moral claim to continued existence must put that man to death --precisely because he is an animal, piece of paper in hand or not.

I am not being alarmist when I say this: There will be many, many, many executions in this land, all carried out under the aegis of war crimes tribunals. You can't even conceive of the extent of it.

You have no idea what you've done to yourselves.

Your society is now over. That is not hyperbole.

The woman belongs at the end of a rope.

If it weren't clear enough from the garrulous TV news coverage, one of the top US talent agencies has announced Wednesday they've signed America's once highest-ranking diplomat, Condoleezza Rice, to deliver speeches for books, lectures, communications, media and sports.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Rice_signs_with_talent_agency_to_0122.html

Is that what it takes to land an entertainment gig around here? Do I have to commit mass murder?

...because with a little convincing, I think I could do it...

I would like to ask our resident legal mastermind Deval Patrick a question.

"I thought you said you were done with me."

I never said I was done with you. That last piece, which I call "Deval Patrick, One-Man Freedom Band," should be uproariously funny with maybe a little polishing. I'll put a value of $250 on it. So there's still $450 left for me to recoup. I'm sorry that you elected to incur that debt.

So we're closing that nazi camp at Guantanamo Bay. Why does it exist at all?

That nazi camp was located there for a particular reason: because that plot of land was never ceded to the United States. It's leased.

Now, if you understand jurisdictional issues --which you don't-- you would know that a leased plot of land is outside an entity's territorial jurisdiction.

An entity's legally acceptable range of behavior differs between plots of land over which it possesses territorial jurisdiction and those over which it does not. (Until recently, that is; some court somewhere decided that Constitutional protections apply there. I do not know how they arrived at that decision, nor do I care. It is not germane to this discussion.)

When that nazi camp was first opened, I remarked to myself, "That plot of land is outside the territorial jurisdiction of the United States. In politics nothing happens by accident. Therefore, they intend to do some very dark things there."

And they have, haven't they? I am a veritable soothsayer for correctly predicting that water will flow down a hill.

That is your law lesson for the day.

And incidentally, when you permit an entity to act unlawfully --since that entity employs fallible and easily confused humans-- you may be assured that all manner of depredation will occur. I can predict that you would positively vomit if you were to come to know what has occurred at these other "black" sites. Every single, last conceivable abuse of human power has occurred at those hellholes.

That is why I will tolerate no unlawful behavior. Lawlessness must be immediately struck down when it ever may show its stinking, vile face.

Can you divine my impetus, Mister Patrick?

I will erase from this earth every last memory of that sickness called the United States. I am come to be its angel of death.

Remove yourself from my path.

Geithner is a liar and a tax cheat.

It is one thing to refuse to pay income tax on principle. It is quite another to ignore the law so that you can save money.

It is an insult to my intelligence that he go on and on about this all being an innocent mistake. "Hi, Chris, you're so stupid that you'll believe my lame excuse. Mistakes happen, right?"

I'm happy that everyone is ignoring United States statutes --because I certainly do.

It's very liberating, isn't it?

United States is a collection of liars and thieves. Geithner should fit right in. Go ahead and confirm him.

I will describe my emotions to you like an adult.

This is a statement of fact: 2009 is the year that good things happen for me. I have worked tirelessly for five years now --for what aim I do not know; I make very poor and impulsive choices in life sometimes.

My existence over the past five years has been an artistic undertaking. As I said, artists do things for reasons they do not understand. I may have offered up any number of rationales for my endeavors, but the fact is that these rationales serve only to lend some explanatory framework to actions which are inscrutable even to me sometimes. My every word and action has been an artistic expression of some poorly understood impulse, whose origin lies either within me or without, I cannot tell. My pronouncements on my motives serve only to help me understand why I do and say the things I do. Who knows why I originally got into this and why I continue. I do as I feel somehow, weirdly, inclined to do. It's hard to explain. When I go to bed at night, I ask for guidance and I wake up in the morning with conviction of what I am to do.

Good things will happen to me this year. I'm tired of sitting in a house alone in the hinterlands every night. I want to be working in comedy. I want to make people laugh. I want to bring joy into people's lives. I want to get married and have babies.

I demand a little something for myself. I do not like those who take and never give. I am starting a new phase of my life where I no longer permit people into my life who do not give back.

It's not even about the money. I've given up on trying to get my audience to buy tickets. I want a note of encouragement. A simple note: "I value you." Or how about some flowers? Send some flowers anonymously if you want. Or a gift basket. A potted plant. Anything.

2009 is the year where I eliminate from my life those who will not be seen in public with me.

I deserve better, wouldn't you agree?

Those are my emotions, as best as I can explain them. I am mildly angry, very disappointed, and very tired.

Even a hand-lettered note that cost zero dollars and zero cents that reads "I care" would mean the world to me. You can't even fathom it. I would keep it on the bed-side table.

I no longer permit deadwood in my life. Going forward, all relationships will be productive. And that includes my relationship with my audience.

So if you are reading this, I want you to figure out how you will say "I care." Or I want you to leave my life once and for all. Because I cannot have people in my life who will not be seen in public with me; it is a cruel trick that leads me to believe that I matter to you. Speak to me or leave.

You must pick one.

I am very tired and the slightest hint of hope would mean everything to me.

Those are my emotions that I have described for you.

I will not include my address in this post as I have no illusions whatsoever of receiving any flowers.

I've decided to grant Deval Patrick his wish.

I'm going to let him be relevant. Come on up on stage, Mister Patrick. I've decided that I'm going to get seven hundred dollars' worth of sport out of you. Just sit here on this stool and --no, pull it back into the light; there you go-- just sit there while we laugh at you. There's really nothing you can do, so just take it like a man. It will all be over soon enough.

Here before us sits Deval Patrick, Governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, one of the original thirteen colonies, home of Boston, the Cradle of Liberty! ...or so says this pamphlet I picked up at Faneuil Hall, just to the other side of the food court.

He is accused of fancying himself relevant, to wit: He did cause --either by design or willful neglect-- one Christopher King to be inconvenienced in his travels through what was once considered the territory of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. We've heard my legal arguments already, so I won't bore you with those any further.

I shall now permit you a taste of my power! (I consider such displays to be unseemly, but perhaps in this instance I will allow myself that privilege for the purpose of making an example out of you.) I now remove from my breast pocket a vial of my mojo. I would like to let you ta-- NO! Don't drink it down! It'll kill you! Just a taste! Here: Just a drop or two on your tongue. ...There you go. It'll take a moment to kick in.

See, at some point the Future People are going to make a hit blockbuster movie out of the story of my life and how I overthrew the government and everything and eventually came to rule the world. And it's a no-brainer because, for my part, I do them the favor of writing funny little vignettes that they can include in the movie. It just makes their job easier.

So I've decided to write a funny little scene that we both can be in. You, there, sitting on your stool, right next to me as I strut around on stage, in front of my entire audience, both present and future. Except that you can't see me writing this. You only see me speaking this. (It all gets very meta, so don't agonize over it.) The writing is occurring in what you may consider another realm. I'm in my flannel lounge pants right now and I've been drinking coffee all morning and rubbing my hands together at the prospect of having some fun with you. I'm not really here, even though this scene is going to follow verbatim this script. Confused yet? You're not you and I'm not me. You're being played by some actor. And I am likely being played by some actor, someone adequately attractive. I used to want Jonathan Rhys Meyers to play me, but I'm over him. There's some new young actor I might enjoy watching play the King...

And maybe I'll ask the Future People if they wouldn't be so kind as to introduce this vignette in their film with some black-and-white, old-timey, silent-era thing showing some busty beauty in hot pants or whatever holding a placard that shows the title of this scene:

AT LONG LAST! DEVAL PATRICK BECOMES RELEVANT!

So I understand from looking at your business card that you're the Governor of Massachusetts, the home of the Minutemen, the elite of the various militias. They certainly knew what slavery was and they knew what it took to throw that yoke off.

Do you consider yourself to be in their class? What do you do in your office, behind closed doors, after hours maybe? Sneak in some quality time with a tri-cornered hat? Play a few notes on a fife? Strap a bass drum to your back and run a string to your ankle? You're a regular one-man freedom band, aren't you?

Do you march around your office and play your fife and bang your drum --boom boom boom-- content in the knowledge that you're defending freedom? The man who serves his masters well, permitting their den of snitches and spies within his own state? Come now, Mister Patrick, do you really suppose that the Minutemen would be seen with you longer than it would take to arrest you as the collaborator that you are?

How does your ode to yourself go? "Deet diddlee dee dee! Boom boom boom! Look at me! I'm so free! Defending free-dom! Yes I am! Deet deet dee! Boom boom boom! I! Am! Not! Deet Diddlee! A turn-coat! Boom boom boom!"

Is that what you do? Kind of like this guy?

Wasn't that funny? 'Cause I sure hope that the Future People stage a shot of you marching around your office doing something equally ridiculous, maybe even saluting yourself in the mirror with one of those Benny Hill salutes. And maybe your character will have a big, ol' hand-lettered sign around his neck that says:

DON'T FORGET: I'M DEVAL PATRICK! AND NOW I'M RELEVANT!

And if you found this fun, remember: There's plenty more where that came from. The number of scenes dedicated to you is directly proportional to the inconvenience that you cause me. So if you want more, you can have more. That's the point.

What some people don't understand is that when you involve yourself in my life --either by design or willful neglect-- you become part of my show. You then must perform another calculus: "How do my actions play with Chris' audiences, both present and future?" The folks at United States get this part. They've been very well behaved, and I appreciate that. That goes a long way with me. But some people don't get it. You need to make sure that you look good when I come to town. ...Because I assure you that I will have thought it through enough to see that my actions play well.

Congratulations, Mister Patrick, you're famous --but not in a good way.

You may now return to your seat. No hard feelings. But do not ever come to believe that you are in any way relevant to what I am doing.

...because you most certainly are not.

I will not harm you and my actions ultimately will only benefit you. But I need everyone to do as I ask. Put out the memo.

I seek a bride.

I have decided that it is time to start a family.

For this purpose, I am looking for a fertile young woman between the ages of sixteen and twenty-two. She should be of northern European stock, physically attractive, and healthy. Any marriageable minor must have the consent of her father, to whom she is charged.

Attempts at conception will begin immediately after a public engagement. Should those attempts prove fruitless, no marriage will occur.

As your husband, I will honor you, I will provide for you and protect you, and I will exalt you as the mother of my children. You will be the most important person in my life. Our material station likely will be simple, but I will treat you as best I can. That I promise you.

What of my...precarious situation? I have political duties that I must discharge. I can do two things at once. But demands must never be made...

As the family is the most fundamental body politic, my wife and my children will be subject solely to my authority. I will permit no other political influence upon my family. Within it, however, I will give every reasonable deference to my wife in her decisions within her sphere. I regard us as equals within our respective spheres.

There shall be no divorce, except in the case of adultery. I regard the transgression of adultery as extremely serious. I will allow no other man into my home.

I am quite intent on starting a family. I have much to offer the right woman. Should you or someone you know be interested, please contact me. I'm easy to find.

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Dr Gilbert, a Norwegian Dr has just confirmed on PRESS TV that the Israelis are using a new type of weapon that shred’s the body in pieces. If the person lives they will develop Cancer and Leukemia.

The Dr has said that these weapons are against international law and that most people coming into the hospital have been injured by this weapon, women and children have been affected by this weapon They are called Dense Inert Metal Explosive (DIME).

Apparently it’s, designed for low “collateral damage” yet, it is highly carcinogenic and harmful to the environment. Doctors in Gaza noticed cases of amputated limbs with evidence of intense heat at the point of amputation but no shrapnel.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/israel-using-%E2%80%9Cdime%E2%80%9D-weapons-on-civilian-population-in-gaza.html

Why couldn't the rabbis have been more successful and gotten rid of more Jews? (I'm sorry. I promised no more. Okay. That's the last one.)

The behavior of Israelis is not surprising when you consider that their minds have been seeded with the notion that they are better than others. They have been taught to "dehumanize" opponents. This is the same training that soldiers get. This tends to confirm my suspicion that Jews are an enslaved population that works to the benefit of non-Jews. (Sabbateans?) Jews are defiling themselves in service to satanic non-Jews. They've been tricked into fighting to the point that they will act like animals.

Believing oneself to be better than others causes one to treat others callously, which reflects poorly on oneself and impoverishes one's own soul.

Those who have enslaved Jews are stealing their souls. They've converted them into animals.

I am going to sell tax-free cigarettes.

It is my right to do so, as I am not subject to any state law except for that which I may incorporate into my own body of laws.

I did some calculations. I can make 100% on my money and still beat the closer competitor quite handily, which is New Hampshire just across the river. For example, I can buy a pack of Marlboros for $1.48. New Hampshire stores generally sell them for about $4.00. So I can sell them for $3.00 and still beat them by a wide enough margin.

I should make a ton.

What do you think? Perfectly legal, since the state of Vermont doesn't legally exist.

This is what happens when no one follows the law.

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Rutland is roughly 5,500 miles from the fighting in the Gaza Strip, but Nadav Tamir wasn't fooled by the distance.

"I know most of you are concerned about what's going on in the Middle East," the Israeli consul general to New England told a gathering of about 30 people at the Rutland Jewish Center on Thursday morning. "Many of us are worried and confused. We have relatives in combat or in range of missiles and we've all been devastated by images of civilians suffering in Gaza." The head diplomat completed a two-day tour of the Green Mountain State on Thursday with a breakfast address in Rutland followed by a meeting with Gov. James Douglas in Montpelier.

http://www.rutlandherald.com/article/20090116/NEWS04/901160377